The Potential Relationship & Mating Triad

Have you ever wondered why none of your relationships work out? Why you’re sad and alone? Where all those cats came from?
I was discussing relationships with a friend today (while pretending to write an art history essay) and I had an amazing epiphany – that’s a sudden realization of great truth, for those of you who haven’t seen The Simpsons Movie. I realized why it seems all relationships are doomed to fail: you can almost never get your ideal person. Now before I go any further, let me describe what I think is the perfect partner:

Your perfect partner is:

1. Good-looking (to you at least)

2. Employed

3.  A person who will never cheat

Ok, so maybe I skipped some stuff and maybe I’m being a little superficial, but hey, that’s my opinion so SHUT UP AND SIT DOWN. Either way, those are the three basic things, right? Anyway, for the sake of this blog post, we’re going to call those three qualities the Potential Relationship and Mating Triad (maybe we need a better name...). We will therefore define the Relationship Triad as the three most important qualities your potential partner must have for the relationship to work at its most basic level. So unless you’re like Mahatma Gandhi or Mother Theresa, you bloody live by the Triad.

Do we understand each other so far? Yes? Good.

So here’s my theory: from your perspective, any given person can possess either none of those qualities or a maximum of two. You will NEVER find someone with all three! Crazy, right? That means that the person you like is either: 

a) good-looking and employed BUT will cheat on you at some point, 

b) has a job and will never cheat BUT is not good-looking, and finally, 

c) is good-looking and will never cheat BUT is broke as hell. 

Guess  how the Triad can (and possibly will) apply here.

And those are just the best-case scenarios. Things could get a lot worse; for example the person may be 

a) employed BUT not good-looking and a serial cheater (trust me, it happens) or 

b) extremely faithful BUT not good-looking and not employed.

Until I conduct more in-depth research and studies, I am not at liberty to say that this applies to everyone, but it sure as hell seems to apply to me! One of my friends has this theory that the more attractive someone is, the more likely he or she is to cheat on you. At first I laughed the idea off but now looking at the Triad, it doesn’t seem as crazy as it once did. What is crazy, however, was her solution to the problem – “just, like, date, like, unattractive people duh!” Ok, I may have embellished that last quote just a little.

I’d love to know if the Triad applies to anyone else’s life. Misery does love company after all.