Peeves of the Pet

I can be a harsh person. I won't deny it. I'm not going to coddle you or tell you your ass doesn't look fat in those jeans, because guess what? It does. Here are the things that make me terrible: 

1. I'm not going to pretend I like your hideous sweater and I'll correct you if you make a grammatical mistake while speaking to me. Does all of that make me a bad person? If it does, then I don't want to be right... I mean good! I don't want to be good.

2. If you have attended high school in an English speaking country and if your first language is English and you either don't want to learn or don't care about the difference between "your" and "you're" then I automatically consider myself a better person than you are.

3. I believe everyone should take a good look in the mirror before leaving the house in  the morning. The question you should be asking yourself when you do this isn't "am I comfortable leaving the house like this?" but "does my dress code and way of life offend people?"

4. If you're a hipster extremist, then yes, your dress code offends me, and no, I'm not going to listen to Five Arches of Sound's new EP. Maybe I'll take a stab at it when they're mainstream.

5. That said, I'm never going to tell you to hold back on your beliefs. Even if I may not like them or agree with them, I'll just let you do your thing. Unless of course you start shoving whatever it is in my face, then I'll politely tell you to fuck off.

6. I believe umbrellas are too cumbersome.

7. I think Corn Pops should try and develop a consistent recipe because every box I get is slightly different.

8. I'm not going to judge you for eating McDonald's because I do it all the time.

9. I don't see the point of paying for new books when you can get them second-hand.

10. I don't think the last rule applies to clothes or underwear.

11. I fail to understand why all people won't switch to energy saving bulbs.

12. I hate people who talk too much because they get in the way of my talking too much.

13. Like Liz Lemon says, if you're over 30 and still wear a name tag to work, that's a deal breaker!

14. I believe I am not alone in my hatred of people who get on an escalator and stand still on the walking side. Or large groups of people who just HAVE to walk shoulder to shoulder on a sidewalk. Or people who stop in doorways to think "Do I really have to go inside? Hmm...nope, I'll just stand here while everyone else waits behind me."

15. I can't stand people who try to act like they're superior - it makes it difficult for those of us who really are.

But that's enough about me. Tell me about you.